Saturday, 25 January 2014

Difficult weekend

Poor Duck, she got up Saturday morning poorly. She was complaining of tummy ache, headache, sort throat and dizziness (again) only this time she also added chest pains and stabbing pain when she coughed. Still I was not totally convinced that she wasn't well, however when her temperature read 39.6 C I decided it was for a GP to decide, not me. So I spent the whole morning sitting in waiting for them to ring. They offered an appointment for 12.00 which was perfect, so we took it and got her checked out. By the time we got there, her temperature was normal, her chest may have been painful, but there was no sign of infection so the Dr advised lots of fluid and rest for the weekend, probably a virus. Duck was not impressed. She was expecting Dr to make the pain go away, or at least give her a disgusting medicine that she would argue with me over taking. She spent the next hour kicking off, complaining that it hurts more than it did before and why wont I take the pain away? If only it was that simple. I did try telling her that she got ill more because she didn't eat properly and I reminded her that she had promised her SENCO she would eat some solids this weekend but its not looking good. She spent most of the day chilling in front of the TV but random, panicked 'mummy make it stop hurting's arose from the room. Shortly followed by 'Oh just forget it, you are not going to do anything because you don't care!'. Just to be clear, she was up to date on Calpol and was refusing nurofen, so there was physically nothing I could do. I did try explaining that, not very successfully I am sure.
All in all, I got very little break from the complaining Saturday. Husband got in from work at 3, so I went out for a very short and very slow dog walk. I had to be home by 3.45 as he was due out again at 4 to do singing practice for church Sunday. Then he got in at 5 and I quickly bunked out to Tesco to do the weekly shopping. It was heavenly quiet! Actually, she shop was quite busy, but not having duck with me made it quiet! She really has been living up to her name...constant nagging, demanding I make it go away, make her feel well, call the dr again and make him give her something.
I brought a few things I thought Duck might eat..real food! I brought some smooth pate, some cheese/chocolate spread, some chocolate buttons yoghurts and some fruit stars which she used to love. I put a little of each on a plate and had HUGE dramatics over them. 'I cant, I am too scared, you don't know how scared I am, I might choke, I have not eaten for ages, its too hard...'. Eventually I persuaded her to go off to another room, watch TV by herself and just have a lick of everything, and if she liked it, to try more, if not then not to bother. I sent her off with a drink of fresh juice (My pathetic attempt at one of five a day!). She re appeared about 20 minutes later, and I was a little disappointed, she had eaten the pate but that was about all. Still, pate was better than no pate, it contains a lot of nutrients, and calories, it was about 2 teaspoons worth and she ate it all. She didn't even try the rest, which surprised me, because normally she would eat anything chocolate first then maybe try anything else. Its a first step though. We have moved on from liquid only to liquid and pate. Slow road to recovery has begun. It will be slow, very slow. I can say that with confidence as I have done it twice before. I think Duck started feeling better, she suddenly became more demanding. 'Play this game, help me cook this meal' then the stomping off when we were not cooking again until tomorrow and the game didn't go her way....then husband put a film on. I offered duck another cuddle on the sofa to watch but Duck obviously didn't want to watch the film because the relentless complaining about pain began again. Constant. I left the room, the complaining followed me. I started the laundry amidst realms of 'make it go away, it hurts, you don't love me because you are not making me better. What day you do mummy? MAKE IT GO AWAY!!' Honestly, if you heard her you would think I was not trying. However, we had been taking calpol, even to go and been offering nurofen all day. Every mention of nurofen was met with an angry comment about how I know that stuff is disgusting. Honestly, she was nowhere near as ill as she would have me believe. Let's face it, if you were really ill, would you manage to follow someone round most of the day complaining? I think not! I managed to stay calm and explained the only thing mummy had not done was given her nurofen. Eventually she yelled at me that she would take the nurofen because I was making her!?!?!? Then after a dramatic 'I feel sick now', she stomped off to watch TV upstairs. I found her tucked up in my sleeping bag! I suggested bed time. Defiantly I was told she was staying up for her 10 pm and midnight medicine. I got her a dose of calpol and told her she could take when the program finished. The only thanks I got was a grumpy 'what about the other one?' I told her she wouldn't need it. I left her with it. Clearly most of her behavior was aimed at me so I told her she could stay in the TV room for the night, left her with a drink and 5 ml of medicine and went to bed!
I wasn't planning on going to church, although husband was singing. so I decided to treat Duck and son to a trip to the cinema. I should have know better. Duck was feeling much better, however she was in a totally awful mood. This meant she didn't want to go to the cinema because mummy suggested it. She didnt want to see the film because I had chosen it. Infact, Sunday was predicted to be bad day! We did get to the cinema, and Duck sat reasonably well through it. She complained several times about it being boring, however, at the end she raved about it. Sometimes it feel like I just cant please her. When we got home, she asked to go on the pc, but I said no as I wanted to use it. This led to a total meltdown. Over and hours worth of screaming and shouting, stamping on my feet, pushing and hitting me.  She never got the PC. Infact, she lost any use for the whole day, much to her disgust. She only calmed down after telling me she was going to call the police and get herself a new, nicer mummy. To which I passed the phone and asked if she knew the number!  Duck was clearly trying to shock and upset me to get a reaction as she had had very little until then. She didn't get the response she wanted and started saying she was sorry and didn't mean it. I suggested she went to her room to calm down, which she did. Sadly, she reappeared 10 minutes later with maths homework, which just added more complications to the mood...We had friends due over for the afternoon/evening, I was hoping she would calm down before they arrived!  Friends arrived but Ducks mood didn't change much. She was grumpy and stroppy all evening, leading onto a full meltdown around bed time. It took 1.5 hours to get her to sleep, her Tablet was taken away (more because I was worried she would break it in the rage) and she was horrific. Friends who were here have been in our lives since way before Duck was born, but they live in Oxford, so we don't see them that often. However, Duck is not afraid to show her true colours to them and they have seen much more of Ducks behaviour issues than many of our closest friends. Duck gave them an amazing performance at bed time. She had a huge violent meltdown, but friends even noticed how 'In control' she was even though she was also 'out of control'. They noticed how she was managing to flip from total rage to calm and back in an instant and how the true Jeckyl and Hyde character was showing through.
I tried to get Duck to bed, husband came and gave me a break, he tried to get Duck to bed, Duck didn't want daddy, she was screaming, 'I want mummy, daddy is beating me up, daddy wont let me out of my room' amongst other things. Daddy was stood outside the door waiting for her to be calm enough to enter. Eventually, our friend went up and sat in Ducks room, by the door, almost totally ignoring her but dropping casually in to the pauses ' Mummy will come and tuck you in when you have calmed down and got into bed'. Duck carried on raging, lifting her bed and dropping it on the floor (max noise = max effect), she spent ages rummaging around her room and then found a key which opened the windows. She decided to open it and tell friend she was going to jump out. Friend ignored her, Duck shut window! Eventually, Duck sat, very grumpily on her bed and stopped screaming. So I went up to tuck her in. She immediately started having a go at me for leaving her with daddy and friend so I said its just tough. She got cross and shouted at me to go away. So I did. That was the last I saw of Duck (awake anyway) for the weekend.  I was thankful. She was asleep, and calm. All we can do is hope that tomorrow, we have a Happy Duck.

All in all, the weekend was horrid. I think I cant wait to go back to work in the morning, for a break!

For anyone new, we think our Duck has a form of autism called PDA. Its not well recognised and the NHS do not often diagnose is despite it being recognised for over 30 years. We are fighting to change this. Please help, Please sign and share the petition.   To sign, please click HERE

For more information about PDA, please click HERE

Happy Monday, Everyone!

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